i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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