I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I don't deserve a penis
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
