Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
She announced her abortion via fbk
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
