the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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