It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
