Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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