Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Randomize
