woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
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