somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
