Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
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