Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
