He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
So many bounce houses so little time
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
