I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Randomize
