I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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