hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Randomize
