was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Just invented taco cereal.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
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