D3 body, D1 cock
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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