im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Even my vagina gasped.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
You are a genius and a whore.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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