every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
