Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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