So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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