i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
