The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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