I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
that is very illegal...i love you.
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