if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Sober January is a disaster.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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