i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
