Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
