how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
