So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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