whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
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