it was like his penis was on wheels.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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