i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
