Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
