Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
