who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
