i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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