And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
