she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize