So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
