i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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