There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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