Cold hands, warm shart.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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