dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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