Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
