I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
