So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
They have beer where we have blood.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
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