You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
