oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
