My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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