there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
