My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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