Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
